what do you see when you gaze into the looking glass

I’ve been doing some self-work the last few years trying to figure out what I believe how my life reflects my values, and how and what I need to change to get to where I need to be.

This post is an attempt to determine how these insights are connected, what they are trying to tell me as a whole. This could get kind of messy as I’m processing on the fly.

I’ve been going to Vermont Witch Camp for five years now and I love it.  I have to admit it took a bit of getting used to. Friendly people, though strangers, running up and hugging you, greeting you as if you’d know them forever. I knew within the first three days there that these were my type of people. Very liberal, open minded, and friendly. It wasn’t until the third year that it really hit me how comfortable I’d become. I found myself having a conversation in a group, and while I don’t recall precisely what the conversation was about, I do recall making some statement and then thinking, “I can’t believe I just shared that”, that was about two seconds before someone said about those same words. Well that opened the flood gates. I knew that I could allow myself to explore without concern of being judged.

I decided to step outside my comfort zone and take a path where I’d have to be an extrovert, at least for a few hours a day. It was called the bards path, we wrote poetry, and explored the earth, and shared our inner most thoughts on the work we did. It was frightening but refreshing. By the third day I was determined to at least introduce myself to everyone in path. It took another day before I got far. I had to process why I found some people unapproachable, and how I was going to overcome my fear of rejection to introduce myself.

I am so glad I did, I befriended about a dozen more people. My friendships with my previous campmates deepened at the same time. I was sailing along. I found that I actually enjoy interaction once I overcome my fears.

I had a turbulent year following, but Hagalaz was the rune I pulled. I did learn much about myself, and continue to.

Last year was a very emotional year at camp for me. It was the first time I had been so far from home, for so long, alone. I could almost cry on queue. I arrived to find a lot of my core group either wasn’t able to get to camp, or were heavily involved with organization or with family. I was very lonely.

I reluctantly decided to take an elements path. I’d take it before but with a different facilitator.  I had my mind set on trance but I had a hurt foot. Once I found who was facilitating elements, I had to go.

I learned a method that really rang true about grounding and starting to work with energy. The connection to each element seemed real instead of some metaphor.

From there I decided to throw myself into camp. I wanted to feel the energy that I’d see in all the rituals. The energy I never felt before, that I would never allow myself to try to get into because I felt phony because I couldn’t feel it.  Did I get knocked on my ass. I find feeling energy and many things in the craft are like training wheels. If you never dare, you’ll never “get it”.

I focused this new insight on the theme of camp, which was the witches pyramid.

Once I knew what the element energy was like, I could relate it to the points on the pyramid.. For those who don’t know:

East - To Know - Air
South - To Will - Fire
West - To Dare - Water
North - To hold Silence –Earth

The capstone was the final night ritual where we had alters at each of the directions and ample time to meditate on each one, ask questions.

I don’t recall exact words but I know my question was what I needed to focus on this year to get my life on a course I’d prefer.

My answers were two East and West, to know and to dare. It seems I need to work on communication and emotions. This wasn’t much of a surprise. I am very poor at communication my ideas and am very guarded emotionally. I seem to have plenty of desire but without the others in balance, it makes progress improbable. While I was thankful for clarification, I was still uncertain where to start.

The answer came about a month later at a Maybon ritual, during a guided meditation. I ask Persephone if she could help to clarify where I should start work. I was promptly show the Ehwaz rune.

But it was turned on its side. What the hell does that mean??

I’m new enough at visualization that I can’t determine directions. I usually get a picture as the story goes on, not always all the details but a static image, or the gist of what’s going on but not the depth. So I had to rely on some help with orientation.  We determined that the open of the M was pointed to the East.

Hmm I don’t know a lot about the runes but, after last year, when one shows up I pay attention. I’ve yet to figure it out but I’ll throw out what I found and my perception of it.

Ehwaz Meaning

As is often the case, the definitions confuse. This is where things tend to break down with me. I’ve never been good with divination. I’m not sure if it’s from lack of trying or what. I’ve never been able to make heads or tails between the questions I ask and the responses I’ve received. Visualization seems to be the best means for me; At least  I know when I am getting a response.

The link I posted above seems say the same thing in many different ways.

“The mind will trust the body, the body will trust the mind.”

That sounds redundant. Let’s see if I can clarify. We know that habits are hard to break. If we decided to change that habit, by replacing it with a new habit, it takes 21 days before it becomes automatic. It would seem the actions of the body were “convincing” the mind to change. Once the mind has changed, the new habit is automatic.

IE: “be the change you wish to see.”

That’s great but it’s doesn’t really answer any questions.  Continuing on down the list:

“Rune of harmonious teamwork and trust. Rune of pairs of entities working together for a common goal.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. So I know that I’m going to need to work with East and West simultaneously.

For energy the properties are: trust, cooperation, the fetch

I’ve heard of the fetch in my study of Feri, but I can never quite keep the three souls straight. Looking at the definition on wiggage.com (highly recommended). The fetch is know by many names, the one that is likely relevant here is “child self”.  It’s purview is the root,navel, and solar plexus chakras. It is concerned with basic physical survival, creativity, and the courage and ability to look beyond individual concerns.

Ehwaz governs:

Activating the energies of your inner Fetch
Ability to detect deceit and uncover subtle queues
Facilitates swiftness in every regard
Establishing trust and bonds with animals

All good information, but what knowledge is it trying to impart?

There are many approaches to this. One would be the Iron Pentacle. I’ll leave that to someone who knows about these things. You can find more about that on wiggage as well. I can see some of the issues I have on there but I can’t draw clear conclusions with my limited knowledge.

What I take away from this is that I need to get in touch with my creative self.

While I’ve take a very important first step of becoming involved with community, I need to work on honing my “bullshit” detection, instead of either trusting all or nothing. Specifically I need to learn to read nuances instead of waiting for the flashing signs. I need to be less critical in my correspondence with others and be more willing to share my ideas. I need to be more willing to feel and share my emotions, but not let them overwhelm me.

Might be a good time to try and connect with an animal guide as well. Couldn’t hurt.

Now that I’ve processed it, it seems very simple. At least to say and see the logic. We shall see if I can put it into practice!!

It’s the Journey, not the destination

To be without desires, is to be content.
If you do not wish to have something,
you are content with what you have.

And it always seems to me that,
the more we don't desire something,
the greater the chance of getting it,
and all the more exciting.

To be without desire,
is to be simple.
If life is simple,
then life is not complicated!!!

~ from the wisdom of Lao Tzu

 

And so we have the cliché “It’s the journey, not the destination.”  But what does this mean in our busy lives?

To me it seems that, as a society, we have lost perspective. We spend more hours every year working toward some eventual goal. A bigger house, a new gadget, a retirement.

We spend our lives making someone else rich is bottom line. They don’t give a shit about you, there is no such thing as loyalty anymore. Sure companies talk about it but it’s a one way street. They expect you to give all, if you don’t your not a team player. If you ask them to give however, they don’t.

I propose taking a look at what is really important in life. Is it keeping up with the Jones, or is it humanitarian efforts? This is only something you can determine.

I have come to the conclusion that what’s most important to me is promoting humanity wherever I can. From building community to protecting the environment, securing our food supply, developing alternative energy,etc. These are the most important things to me.

Too many are so entangled with money that their entire existence is nothing more than smoke and mirrors. Therefore they are so disillusioned that they see only enemies. They believe the spin that those different than them are dangerous, that looking out for yourself is priority one, and so on.

But it’s an empty existence. Even those at the top find themselves very unsatisfied. They have no true friends. Only posers who are after their dollars or the illusion of their important position.

I find myself less and less happy. Even when I have money I have no time to enjoy things it can bring. I must recoop to do another day slavery to make another dollar. But never fear, there will always be another bill or car repair, or something waiting to suck every last dollar from your account, affording you the opportunity to work even more hours.

When I find myself the most happy is when I’m spending time with family and friends. Working in the garden. Helping at the local food bank, church or some other social function. These are the things that matter. What we do is what we will be remembered for.

So where am I going with this? Think about what you want in life. Don’t think about how much it cost or what your parents wanted for you, etc. But what is truly important to you. Then make it your life.  One day, when you’re old you’ll look back at al the things you did and wished you’d done. The only regrets you’ll have is those things you didn’t do. Tomorrow is not a promise so Carpe Diem!!  Seize the day.  Savor every moment as if it were your last.. it could be.

In the end it’s not your retirement, or your home, or you car that will sustain you. What will is the love you share and the good deeds you do.